The Prodigal

The Bible tends to address the topic of running away from God and coming back to him a lot. I mean, seriously, how about the entire books of Judges and Hosea, along with countless other passages about it? The topic must be important, huh? The more I go through life, the more I realize that my need for grace again and again is dire. And the passages I keep "running into" are helping me know that God knew this was going to happen. I mean take the book of Hosea: God tells this guy to to take a prostitute for a wife so that God can demonstrate His love for Israel. The prostitute not only passively happens upon multiple extra-marital affairs, but actually pursues them. However, in order to demonstrate what God's love for Israel is like, God commands Hosea to keep receiving her back again.  My need for this kind of grace has become so apparent recently. Just like any other guy, I have times where I struggle with lust. But there are also times that I find myself actively pursuing those lustful thoughts, and after the fact, I ask God "what the heck did I just do?" What if, God forbid, He replied by saying "I dunno. That's the fiftieth time this week. I'm done with you." AH! Thank Him it's not that way! If it were, I would have thrown in the towel a long time ago. But no, instead, even after blatantly pursuing a sin and committing it against the God of the universe, He says "Confess. Move on. Continue to pursue holiness. I forgive you!" I'm sitting here thinking that I could just write that same sentence over and over again, and even the thousandth time it would still have the full amazing effect! God is so good! How I wish I were more satisfied in Him in times of trials.

And speaking of trials, a testament to God's goodness has been the last few weeks of my life. I was at complete burnout point physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I was at a coffee shop 4 to 5 hours on Sunday trying to finish up school from the last week, and 2 of those hours were spent on a physics test that I didn't understand and was getting extremely frustrated with. As I left the coffee shop, I seriously felt like just up and leaving, going to Iowa or South Dakota or Wisconsin to hang out with some camp friends and get school off of my mind (Thank Him that it didn't get anywhere past a thought. What a mess that would have been...). Between Monday night and Tuesday morning, I found rest in God. Not just a physical rest, but a peace. I was reading Philippians 4 a couple of weeks ago (one of those times where I wished I had a blog, now I do), and I came across the verses about peace. Here's what I wrote in my journal as I read: Don't be anxious, but instead pray, and God will give you peace that guards your hearts from the anxiousness. I realize it is pretty similar to the actual verses, but I thought it was interesting to keep these verses together and break them down into three sections, instead of reading them separately from one another, as we so often do. So here's what I got from it. One, don't be anxious. Two explains what we do to achieve One, pray! Three tells us what God will do--give us a peace that will guard our heart. This isn't just any ordinary peace, though! It's an active peace, not only giving us rest but also fighting off any anxiousness  that may come our way. So good to know! Human obtained peace cannot be kept if it is being attacked. It simply can't. God's peace can, though. 

Anyways, back to what I was saying before, since Monday night, God's peace has flooded into my life. Here comes the tough part though: even with God's peace, I have stumbled. More like willingly had my face ground in the dirt, actually. It pains me to admit it, because now, looking back upon even today, I see the peace that God has given me, and then I see how I've sinned. God brought me to my knees tonight. I don't say that to sound spiritual, because its not something that I hardly ever do--it was clearly God bringing me to my knees both physically and spiritually. I've had enough. And I know I'll will fail in the future, but now I know why I've been having so much trouble dealing with sin; relying on God to help me through my temptations has been the exception, not the rule. And it's time for change.

This is what's up with God in my life lately. Hope He's impacted you in some way or another by reading it. God bless, and I may post something again soon :).